Tuesday, 13 December 2011

Learning to accept

If you've been reading my blog for a while, you'll know that my littlest pickle likes to 'connect' with his Mummy A LOT. I'm talking in the evening, in the middle of the night and in the early hours of every morning. Yes, after almost 12 months, my body has learnt to cope with waking every couple of hours and starting the day at 5.30am.

I go through phases with our sleep issues. I would often think dammit, I can't go on like this and fight fight fight, trying different approaches, reading every book ever written on baby sleep, talking to so-called experts until I get so overwhelmed with all the conflicting advice. But a while ago, I decided that the fight was causing me just as much stress. It was too draining. I have a terrible habit of needing to understand EVERYTHING, analysing things to death.

I thought back to when Luca was a baby, and how I longed for him to drop his early morning feed so I wouldn't have to start the day at 5am. I felt that if he could just sleep till nearer 7am, I would have so much more energy and be generally better off.

When he was ready, he slept through. And I got more sleep.

But did I feel energised all of a sudden? Did I feel less tired? Did I heck.

If Kian started allowing me uninterrupted sleep, it might be nice not to have to get up four times a night, but I'm not going to feel any less exhausted.

Funny thing is, once I've fed him and he's fallen fast asleep in my arms, I sometimes sit there just holding him, enjoying the stillness. He won't be a baby forever.

I have two very determined, energetic boys and a 5-year-old Labrador with the same energy she had as a mad puppy - and that's why I'm tired.

Once I realised that, I stopped fighting. I'm at the acceptance stage. And I'm all the more peaceful for it. We're all guilty of trying to change things all the time, because we're somehow convinced that once we get what we want, we'll be happier. But once we get what we want, all too often we've moved on to another problem we need to fix.

It reminds me of a friend of a friend who kept moving house. Literally kept moving house. She would make her family sell up and move into another house, only to start looking elsewhere the minute they'd set foot in the new house. There was always a better house.

Image from here

Acceptance is a great word. Don't you think?

1 comment:

  1. Hello Vanessa! Those are such wise words, that ring very true for me as well! I have the same way of over-analyzing, trying hard to understand, and sometimes fighting acceptance in the process. I'm learning the same lesson of letting go and letting things be as they are with my baby girl.

    Thanks for sharing :)


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